The culture of ‘busyness’ and why we really need some rest
Two friends bump into each other at a coffee shop:
“Hey, how are you? Haven’t see you in ages!
“Yeah good, we’re all good…crazy, busy though – you know – kids, work, house renos”
“Yes, us too, I know what you mean…I wake up in the morning and go, go, go, till I fall in bed at night”.
“Hey…. we really should catch up soon! Get the kids together for a play date maybe?”
“Yes definitely, send me a text…I’ll check the calendar…we’ll sort something out”.
“Well, I better keep going…lots to do at work”.
“I know…. tell me about it”!
“See ya”
“Bye”
It almost seems these days that how busy we are – at home, at work, and in our social lives – is a KPI of success. But why do we feel so driven to always be busy? And why is it that when we do have that long awaited moment of peace and quiet that we suddenly feel restless and unsettled? Busyness has become the new normal, but it comes at a cost.
The human body and brain are designed to perform in bursts, or “sets of sprints” with breaks in between. When the cumulative burden of chronic stress and life events becomes prolonged or chronic, a state of allostatic overload ensues. So, what is allostatic overload and why is it a problem?
Allostatic load, coined by Bruce McEwan and Eliot Stellar in 1993, is the physiological consequences of chronic exposure to fluctuating or heightened neural, cardiovascular or neuroendocrine response which results from repeated or prolonged chronic stress. Basically, this is the physical and emotional ‘wear and tear’ on the body and brain that comes from being in a stressed state without sufficient rest to recover and restore those systems. The potential consequence of allostatic overload includes, but are not limited to anxiety, depression, headaches, digestive issues, chronic pain, cardiovascular problems, changes in sexual desire, poor sleep, inability to focus and impaired memory.
So how can we get out of the busyness trap, that keeps us in a state of constant “doing” without enough rest, and take back control of our time?
First, we need to examine and confront the mental barrier that many face – which is to come to terms with what busyness represents in our lives. Are we connected to the notion of productivity as a measure of our worth? Do we do this to our kids by feeling compelled to have them engaged in multiple extra-curricular activities and if they are not…do we worry they will “fall behind”? Does being “unbusy” make you feel lazy or guilty? What if we could cultivate an attitude where the opposite of busyness wasn’t considered laziness or emptiness or unmoored drifting through life? Instead, we can choose to be unbusy with purpose. We can choose to prioritise rest (and recovery). Being busy is letting others control your time. Being purposeful about choosing to rest can be empowering, not to mention it sets the foundation for being able to perform better in all of your roles, and deal with the demands of modern life.
So, how does one do this “rest” thingy? Actually, rest is difficult to define because it can look different for everyone. In a nutshell, rest is any behaviour aimed at increasing physical or mental well-being. It can be active, such as going for a walk, or passive, such as a 10-minute mindfulness meditation. Regardless of how you choose to rest, these daily behaviours can help you recover and recharge from physical and mental effort. The amount of rest required depends on your individual needs. If you didn’t sleep well, feel angry, or stressed, you may require more frequent breaks. Adequate rest helps your body activate its inner healing cascade and return to a state of homeostasis.
Here are my specific recommendations to create opportunities for rest:
1. Set boundaries around screen time
“Boo”, “hiss” – I know we all love our phones and sometimes the prospect of bingeing a few Netflix episodes once I’ve finally got the kids off to bed feels like heaven. But it’s not the same as purposeful rest. This type of downtime is “auto-regulation” or “zoning out” which is not the same as real rest, not to mention what blue light does to sleep. Catch yourself. How many times a day, when you have a moment (waiting in queues or at the doctors etc), do you pull out your phone to “zone out”. It’s just another way to not be unbusy. Maybe breathe instead, people watch, look around you, or watch the tree leaves blowing in the wind. Or, if you absolutely must be on your phone…check out tip #2.
2. Journal – three things for which you are grateful
I’ve noticed in recent years, in my therapy sessions, that pen and paper journaling has been replaced by keeping notes on a phone. There are even some great phone apps for journalling. If you struggle to know what to write in a journal, record three things each day for which you are grateful. An extra added benefit – feeling gratitude will release dopamine in your brain!
3. Spend time in nature
This one is obvious. In Gladstone and surrounds we have an abundance of beautiful places in nature. The trick is to be fully in them…notice the details using all your senses. The beaches at Tannum are a perfect example. Take a walk, let the water lap against your feet. Inhale the smell of the ocean. Search for the perfect shell and take it home with you.
4. Give yourself space to start your day
I was never a morning person…until I had children. Now I don’t have a choice. I’ve learnt to embrace mornings and in fact wake up before my kids do. It has truly been a gift to have the quiet time alone. I enjoy my coffee and watch the birds on the powerlines outside. If a diehard night owl like me can do it…so, can you.
5. Spend time with your pets
If you’re lucky enough to have animals in your life there is so much to be gained, even more than just their companionship. Take the time to just be with your fur babies (without any distractions). Pet them, hug them, talk to them. This will release the body’s natural “love drug” oxytocin. As an added bonus, observe your pets when they are resting or sleeping. Notice they don’t experience any of the guilt or angst we humans do. They fully embrace any opportunity for downtime.
So, I challenge you, push back on the “busyness culture”. Rest is not a fluffy buzzword. It is a fundamental to our success, health, and happiness. There are many distractions in this digital world, and always something or someone wanting your attention. No matter what your schedule or task list may look like, resting and unplugging is vital to your long-term health.
And, if you find that chronic busyness and stress is impacting on your mental health…you don’t need to do this alone. Whilst these strategies are “easy” they can be hard to implement. We are here to help you in your journey towards self-care and healing.
For more information, or to book an appointment, please phone (07) 4972 6929 or email admin@cqpsychservices.com.au.
How to Access a Psychologist at CQ Psych Services:
- Contact us directly by calling 07 4972 6929 or email admin@cqpsychservices.com.au
- Ask your GP or health professional to refer you to our clinic.
- Come in and see our friendly staff at Shop 1 & 2, 13 Tank Street, Gladstone QLD 4680.
- Visit our website and complete a ‘Request an Appointment’ form and one of our friendly staff will reply to your enquiry. Website: https://cqpsychservices.com.au/
Author: Dr Rhiannon Mulcahy
Clinical Psychologist
